Everything Is a Surprise

Not always but rarely my mind tries to be free from the mundane life activities n starts reflecting upon itself. Sometimes I feel that really everything around me is so much covered in mystery, including myself. Just think for a moment that the computer in front of you is made up of the so called omnipresent ATOM, n you too are made up of atom but of different elements(a few can be common though). We are nothing but a bunch of electrons surrounding messily something known as nucleus. We say the nucleus is positive n electrons are negative(mugging up this crap from childhood), but I wonder  what IS a charge? I know you can tell various properties of a charge, but if you keep aside those properties, how can you imagine it? I mean just try to make a memory picture of an electron...try it...

What you came up with? I asked this question to many friends of mine n 90% of them gave a similar picture(rest 10% suggested me to get a life ) Their answer was – “ An electron is something of a spherical shape rotating about its axis n revolving around the nucleus”. I agree, this picture comes to me as well when I have to write an exam, but when I am out of my mind(not a rare case), I really can’t objectify an electron but feel that electrons n other subatomic particles are just an EFFECT trying to balance out some sort of disturbance that caused the big bang, n in that balancing process, it kept on creating things n ended up creating this universe n other multiverse.(n still creating). I don’t want to get into the electron spin now as it would divert me from what i am trying to say. Anyway, if you think at quantum level, you will find that these fundamental charges are not prominent, they appear at one location but its effect spreads more than the point covered by it n then reappear at other location almost instantly, of course confined by the boundary conditions. Schrodinger, in his theory, basically said the same thing(excluding the ‘effect’ thing) of course his version of saying this was much more accurate n scary than mine.

If you look at a curve showing the probabilistic distribution of electron in a confined space, you will find that with the spread of distance from a particular point, the probability of finding the electron decreases(to sound scary I should say, the wave function collapses)* both ways n in the middle it is peaked. This suggests that within two points say A and B, there is a point say C within where the probability of finding that bastard is maximum but this does not mean that you won’t find it anywhere else apart from c, you may find it at A or near B as well. Modern theories claim that an electron can be at multiple places at the same time. Now the weird thing is(yes,till now it was not supposed to be weird), we are also made up of the same electrons n other  little inkly dinkly stuff, but probability of finding me at my home (where I am now sitting n typing this piece of shit), automatically cancels out the probability of finding me sitting next to you. If those little mischievous electrons can be at more than one place at the same time, I am  also made up of the same electrons n other subatomic particle but I can’t be at two places the same time( life would have been much easier, you know...sitting n giving an exam n simultaneously watching a movie at some multiplex, cool! Isn’t it..).

Another thing that confuses my mind is how can we have consciousness but the subatomic particles cannot.? Why I can think but a pen which I hold in my hand during an exam, cannot! After all we all are the same, mess of distributed energy chiselled meticulously my infinite mathematical constraints n conditions. Even Hindu religion thousands of years ago claimed the same thing which theoretical physicists are discovering now, that ‘everything is same’. The great master shri Ramakrishna, the guru of Swami Vivekananda used to say-“ Me and this chair is the same thing, I can perceive myself as this chair as well”. I really think, at some point, when the mind saturates with intense purification n thirst for truth, dawns a phenomenon which I call ‘the merger of consciousness’ . And it is logical, see, the most granted theory regarding the formation of this universe is BIG BANG, right? Though I personally don’t believe in this theory much, but still considering it true for a while, everything emerged out of it. That includes really everything we see n beyond. So in other words we are part n parcel of the same thing, our source is ONE. So it should be no surprise that we all are connected in some mysterious ways.(just like every branch of a tree is connected to the stem directly or indirectly). Its like a many to many relation, where everything is connected to everything else. So if by the above thought process, I have consciousness, then the table chair pen paper computer etc etc can also have that consciousness n we are all ONE  n SAME at the basic level. So, Ramakrishna’s  experience of universal consciousness should not be a great surprise now, because everything is connected to everything else. Hence, every bit of thing around me is just my own extension, the only thing is that we have lost the method of perceiving it.

According to Pauli’s  exclusion principle, no two electron can have the same quantum states(say, energy level for convenience). Now, suppose I start rubbing my palm , due to friction it gets heated up, that means I have imparted energy to the subatomic particles constituting my palm, right? Okay, so lets say, the energy level of any random electron of my palm is E1. On rubbing my palms I imparted it energy n now its energy is raised to, say, E2. Now as per pauli,  no two electrons can have the same energy level( I can explain the reason behind it but then I have to type more n I am already tired of typing). Suppose, just for example, Barak Obama is near the fire place of his home in a chilly night n is warming up his hands, the energy level of an electron of his palm was suppose E2 already n the, after that I started rubbing my palms. Now, the moment the energy of my electron reaches E2, the  energy of Obama’s electron has to change its energy configuration at any value apart from E2. Suppose it changed to E3. Now at any part of the world, may be the temperature of some other substance is such that one of its electron has energy which is also E3, so that will change its energy to some other value apart from E3.(note: these energy changes are very small) N this way the process becomes cumulative n progressive. So , just by rubbing your hand, you are unknowingly changing the energy configuration of electrons throughout the universe n beyond.

Really this world is fascinating with all its mysteriously created ever existing laws that governs the universe. What am I , I don’t know, what a dust particle is I even don’t know that, what atoms are, definitely I have no clue, what is time*  I don’t know. All i know is that we are somehow existing in this time without cause n without destination. Sometimes personally I do believe in the philosophy of life- EAT DRINK N BE MERRY. Because I feel to know this universe n every particle of it, every law, will make humans insane. Till now we have just explored a tiny fraction of this cosmos, n created million things, just imagine what would not be possible if we someday realize everything..!

N frankly speaking I do think that I really need to get a life... :P

Now I gotta go. I have a few upcoming job exams to write. Alas! I am still jobless.

(* means that I deliberately didn’t discuss those points else it would have been a long article)

-kaavya

Dedicated to....

The hymn

THE UNTOLD STORY

“Those few evenings were different from what i live now. It has been 3 years since the NOSTALGIA incident. Many things changed gradually after that. Life took different turns n very slowly but continuously changed things. Still sometimes I remember  that scintillating evening and weave a web of lies, may be, the thread of which is the fact that somewhere, somehow, we still are close. We still are enthused by each other’s lives, we still expect each other  to show up on phone once in a day atleast... after living in this spurious reverie for sometime, I switch on the lights , open my reluctant eyes and try get out of the shadows of mind. Sometimes I....”

“Holy mother of Jesus!!! Will you shut up for a second!” I exclaimed, of course not out of affection. Actually I was trying to prepare for a college presentation (about which sometimes I get serious).

Actually....

Kshitij called me this morning-“ Dude, I am coming to your home, may I ?”

Me “Sorry boss but i am a bit busy, got a presentation tomorrow to fail at”

Kshitij-“ ok, coming in 15mins”

Me “don’t u get my drift? I gotta prepare!! Please bless me today by your absence”

Kshitij “actually i am in a mood of cursing you today”

Me “actually i am not at home right now...”(an ancient excuse)

Kshitij “too late for excuses budd...open the damn gate, i am standing right outside it.”

Oh good grief!! Here he comes... I ran to the gate n said some words of blessing n let him in.

Me “so why didn’t you tell me earlier that you were already there”?

Kshitij” I was politely trying to earn your consent but apparently I didn’t succeed.”

I was furiously thinking for some good excuse to get rid off him when he suddenly said..

“Dude, I wanna share something with you” and he started his sharing thing with the above mentioned first para followed by my hopeless reaction in the second.

Kshitij “wait you merciless animal! Atleast here me out completely.”

His last word appeared quite disastrous. It was a cloudy morning with continual chilly winds. I took him to the terrace(no, not because I intended to throw him down from there if he crossed my tolerance threshold, but because the weather was good, though the former crossed my mind once.) seated ourselves,  continuously repeating in my mind that humans have tremendous capacity to tolerate anything, they can walk on fire, pierce through sword unharmed, and he is just kshitij, ahh..trifling matter.. All I have to do is listen him out.

Below is a short account of what he said and an enrapturing proof of my astonishing tolerating power. I don’t know what he said was real or he just made it up. Though i personally think the latter to be true.

Kshitij “so where I was....”

Me “sometimes I get serious n blah blah stuff..” (I really don’t know why i helped him remember what he was blurting out, of course i abused myself for this blunder .)

Kshitij “ya right, thats what I was saying, ya actually see, sometimes I feel my life to be very mechanised, i mean it has become very different from what it used to be.

You know, people say big big things like distance cant make anyone apart n all...I say all these are nothing but crap!its not real. People do fall apart when distance separates them. Ofcourse why woudnt they be. Its all physics in real life as well, force of attraction between two charges decreases inversely as the square of the distance separating them,  you know”

Me “so you and her are the two charges separated by some distance and the force of attraction is reducing...”

Kshitij “what! Nooo...I was talking about charges, what are u talking about?”

Me: charges, of course. Pure physics(sometimes he really forgets what point he was trying to make for which he introduced physics.)

Kshitij: ya...so when two charges are separated by a dielectric medium, do you know what happens...?

Me: dude please, let me remind you literally because you are not in a state of getting a hint, you  were talking about yourself and Rishika, so please come to the point, share what u wanna share n CUT THE CRAP OUT!”

Kshitij:  oh ya...now i remember actually... see budd, things are not going good. Do u know after we met the first time n then the second and accidental meeting third time, and a belated meeting the fourth time, that was it....we met so less times..

Me: I don’t think u met her very few times..four times meeting with  a girl(initially stranger)  is not less..plus she atleast met you graciously n not kicked your butt for your whimsical character. Thank Jesus for that.

Kshitij: i didn’t ask for ur opinion, so shut ur mouth n listen.. I already told you the first time we met, it was so magical...

Me: why magical?

Kshitij” come on! One human being is meeting another human being...isnt it magical!!?

Me: when you meet me, do u find it magical, you douche!

Kshitij: no I don’t find it so because it is magical when I meet someone who is human n not a wild untamed beast like you...

Me: ok go ahead with your story.

Kshitij: you know when we met the second time, i think it was 7^th of july 11. You must be expecting the weather to be very pleasant, it then being the month of july, but it was not! It was a harsh sunny day when in the morning of 7^th july, came her call.

Rishika: hello kshitij, me n vertika are at PVR, you were saying you would like to meet me, so why not today? We planned to watch the movie “transformers” but all tickets were booked so now we are free. Could you come now?

I really didn’t know what should i say.(Though i wanted to bless the ticket seller for selling all the tickets n providing this opportunity... )I promised to play cricket with you that morning. For a few moments, i thought about ‘you and me playing cricket’ n about ‘me n rishika spending some time together.’ Then I thought what the hell! Its like - deciding between margosa leaf and chocolate ice-cream, which one to eat..

I said: ok rishika, I am coming but you people have to wait for some time, may be about an hour or so...

Rishika said: ok fine..we can wait. But you wanna meet na?

I said: “ya  sure. Coming to you at the speed of light”.ya, I know , saying that i violated the basic physics principle as nothing can travel as fast as light because if a particle of mass m attains a velocity v=c, then its mass is given by-

m=m’/{1-(v^2/c^2)}^1/2. So if v=c then mass of particle =1/0 that is infinite ...and also..

Me: dude dude!! The topic.. come to the point, u were telling me something about your boring meetings with her, remember? Please don’t kill me technologically as well...

Kshitij: you don’t understand, physics is everywhere. Anyway, that time i had to get ready to meet her, more mentally than physically. Suddenly i remembered, baba ramdev saying, whenever you are in stress  try relaxing yourself by deep breathing...so i started breathing deeply but my mother saw me doing this. She exclaimed: kshitij! What happened ? are you alright...trouble in breathing, haa?

I said: no its just ramu effect..anyway, see i gotta go to civil lines(new York of the east) now. I knew my mother’s next questions would begin with “W” family, like why? With whom? Where in civil lines?etc etc

So i quickly had to think of one such statement that could satisfy every possible question arising at the horizon of my mother’s curious n worried mind. I thought deeply n quickly came up with a reply,I said: mother, I am going to buy a very important book.

As expected, all “W” related questions vanished from her mind instantly. There is a thing about Indian families. If somehow you can convince your parents that you are doing it for the sake of your studies, no matter what you do, you will never be charged with any blame. Even if you say to your mother-  mom please may I go and murder manmohan singh because he is framing such policies that is making life of us students difficult, he is the reason for my low political science marks, your mom would say- sure beta go ahead if it suits ur studies n ya be sure to finish him up completely. And don’t underestimate him beta by his looks, he can be a ferocious beast. Anyway...

So finally i was granted the permission. Next problem came up with my dress. Mom gave almost all my shirts n trousers for ironing at a nearby shop.  The only thing wearable was a white t-shirt n a rugged jeans. Still I was happy with that. Sometimes its better not to have a choice.

I asked one of my friend to accompany me but he denied. I thought to myself, ah..this time I gotta be damn confident.  I dressed up quickly, took out the helmet but wait....there was no bike!!

I shouted: mom...where is the bike?

Mom: your father took it this morning. He had to visit one of his friends.

I said: but thats not fair, I too have friends, I also might want the bike. You people don’t understand. They are waiting..

Mom: just don’t eat my head, go by public transportation.

Wait a minute...what did u just say? “ they are waiting” who are “they”

I immediately regretted my last statement. I said: oh books books....books are waiting, you know I am so into books that sometimes I personify them...haha..you know..hehe(I was trying to be as cute as possible). Ok bye bye, gotta go now.

Mom: ok go..but take care. If some unknown uncle gives you toffee or chocolate, don’t eat them,ok?

(my mother still thinks me to be a 5 year old.)

Me n rishika decided to finally meet at the same restaurant we met the first time. Though rishika was interested in a more public place like Mc donalds n all, but I hated them, those are very chaotic. Finally I think vertika might have convinced her to go to the same old restaurant. Cheers to vertika!

I landed in front of the restaurant n went inside. It was morning so very few people were there. I entered the ground floor but saw no one around. I searched for them quite a time there when a waiter came n said- sir, may be they are in the upper floor.

He was quite intuitive i guess...anyway, I went up n saw two girls stitting adjacently. I saw rishika, she looked beautiful. She was talking to vertika so innocently, with smiles n expressions,  I paused for a moment to witness that adorable sight. Finally I decided to confront them. I began by apologizing for my late arrival. Believe me its always safe n better to apologize  at first in such situations, saves you from their delayed sarcasm.

Then we chatted(yes, the word chatted is grammatically right) for some time, we ate pizza, as I didn’t know what else would they like, i ordered another pizza :P(I am really bad at dealing with girls). Things were going fine n good for some time. I thought so finally everything is going good..phew..! but sometimes later there came an awkward moment for me. Actually I have the bad habit of shaking my legs while sitting, continuously. So I was rightfully doing this duty when unintentionally I landed a sort of kick on rishika’s leg. She immediately exclaimed!(unlike the movie scenes). In India, even if you glance at a girl, its considered heinous, so in contrast to this, you can imagine what the kick stuff under the table could mean(even though not deliberate). Vertika was somehow suppressing her laughter. She might have thought I intentionally did this. May be rishika also thought so. I was in such an embarrassing position that all I said was ‘sorry’. Hope they realized that it was unintentional..

Finally she realized that much of the time has been spent but I thought it to be few minutes, but when looked at my watch....i was like: what!! 2 hours??!! Are you kidding me! Relativity theory is really true i guess.

Anyway,  It was time for us to leave. So we finally bade each other good byes n departed.

Me: ok kshitij...nice story now please leave...

Kshitij: come on dude! Atleast listen to our last meeting. It was really a short one. It wont take long I promise.

Me: ok, but please it should be very concise.

N then again he began his babblings...

Kshitij: the last time we met was Christmas day of 2012. We didn’t meet for almost two years till that day. After enjoying the whole day with friends, me n rishika planned to meet at PVR. When I was at PVR, she was in Mc donalds, when she came to pvr, I was at a restaurant, dining. Ya it was quite late. The time was approximately 8pm. We were continuously messaging each other about the vague prospect of meeting. We both were with group of friends so it was obviously difficult for us to come to the same conclusion. Especially my group was unconvincing. We were all having dinner when suddenly i don’t know why but it struck me that might be this is our last meeting. May be I wont be able to see her again. Instantly a background music started playing in that restaurant, it was a hindi song the lyrics of which is worth mentioning. It was an old song-‘ shayad iss janam me mulaakaat ho na ho...’ the first line was objectionable so i clipped it off. :P

Oh I am such a goody goody boy!

I was very much struck by this song, though I hardly get influenced by songs n all. But may be the situation was resonating with the song. I left my meal in the middle n immediately went to meet her.

Actually she was waiting for a long time...so I was almost running n finally reached the front part of mc-donalds. I saw them waiting outside for me. I saw rishika making some gestures to vertika clearly indicating her mood was not at its best. Obviously I was the immediate cause for it. Somehow i showed up. I really don’t remember a single word I said to her as it was a two minute meeting n nothing much was exchanged between us.

Man! She still looked pretty. It was almost after two years I was looking at her in person.

Before leaving I was trying to capture her picture in my mind as i was having a strong feeling that this meeting is the final one. I was trying to capture her innocent face, her fragile smile n delicate movements, her dark big twinkling eyes, i silently wished that moment could stay a bit longer but it didn’t... it was all over. Yes, it was over in few minutes...The girl with whom I talked so much in my happiness or despair, good times or bad times, day or night, no longer I shall be able to see her again...sometimes I wish to reverse the time but that idiot Einstein died before inventing the time machine!

That was literally the end of our transitory meeting...

Six months after that incident, I went to Varanasi for giving an exam, I was strolling by the ghats  one night , when suddenly a young man came to me n said: sir, may i have your few minutes?

The man was looking polite but poor. I said ya what you wanna say?

He said: see, the thing is, instead of asking you directly for money, i would ask you for a word.

You pick up any word n i will write a poem with the word inside it. If you like it, if it adds something to your life, you pay me whatever you like..

I liked his way n specially when he said- if it adds something to your life.

I was thinking about a word...suddenly i said..ok the word is- ‘Brook’. Can you write it in English? He knew English n immediately agreed. May be this is the way he earned his daily livelihood.

He told me to wait for some time. I saw him taking out a page n a pen. He then took out a cigarette, lighted it n put it in his mouth sideways. He looked deep into the ganges flowing in front of us n began writing. In the dim light I could clearly see his eyes getting wet n in a few moments a pair of tear drops rolled down his cheeks. I thought he is out of his mind n started walking away when suddenly he said- sir, here is your poem.. looking straight into my eyes, with a deep n serious look, he handed me a piece of paper.

I really didn’t know what made him so sad n serious... i asked him about it but he said nothing. Then i tried reading it. I could barely understand his handwriting so requested him to read. With sorrowful n confident voice he began...

It was an enrapturing piece of work..words were flowing like music, conveying the surfaced as well as deeply buried meaning...

The only thing that I would like to share is, there was a reference to a bird... well, that was enough for me to think of someone...

I consider that poem too precious to tell you right now.

Me: thanks a lot kshitij....finally you saved me from listening to one of your boring poems..

Kshitij: it was not mine actually.. it was his. But it was a touching one. I will recite it someday to you when you are prepared for its tranquillity...

Kshitij turned serious n went home all of a sudden...

N really, after that, they never met again. She, the same year went to some other state doing MBBS n Kshitij carried on with his preparation for cracking some job to earn his living..

This is how practical life works, I guess...

                                 -Kaavya

MIDNIGHT WALKS

A road it is , dark and quiet
Wind brisk and the scintillating sky
Alluring darkness with a silent melody
Trudging am I and this enchanting night..
Is young, with a glass of wine
offered me, a sip of intoxication, a gulp of mirth
Couldn't resist the enticement amid camouflaged dearth..

Far away those lanterns, pale n dim
A flickering glow and the cold and mist
Occasional howling and whispering trees
My footsteps random, but without twist
I see the darkness in the world of light
Mystical aura within the darkness of night

A daydream delusion, oh the delusion angel
I have no idea where I come from
I have no idea where I am going
Carry me to the shore of life where truth resides..

Quench my thirst of knowing myself and the world as mine
Under these stars, absorb me as your own..
Let my life rhyme to the beats of oneness for a while..

VIVID

The room where I sing

Is the same where I cry, holding up the torments and the harmony amalgamated air

Amidst the books I live, in a world full of words

Finding my way out, where virtuality stand heads high

Equation of life now is becoming clear, we are all variables, having solutions infinite

Time is illusion and space is imagined, diligently knitted into one big virtual realm

Where mind is connected to every other mind and objects all around

A silent interaction, without language without signs

When I don’t have a reason to be happy, I see the things around and smile

Good times or bad, they are always the same, doing their duty without caring loss or gain..

How attached we are to world around us, living non living is a boundary based on lie.

I live in the room where every book speaks and everything smile..